


Hot Mess Pike

by stardustinoureyes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Cross-posted, F/F, Modern AU, hot mess au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 14:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11969055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustinoureyes/pseuds/stardustinoureyes
Summary: Pike is drunk at 3 am and thinks Trinket is a dog.





	Hot Mess Pike

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the Hot Mess AU prompt ‘i met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night’. I don’t know… Enjoy. Or not.

Vex clicked through the list of movies and tv shows on her watchlist, searching for something that sounded interesting. What did it say that she was by herself on a Friday night with nothing to do? Vax was on a date with Keyleth, and Percy was off doing god-knows-what, which left Vex to her own devices. She turned on the couch and tried to glimpse the digital display on the kitchen stove through the doorway. 2:55. Time for bed. She extracted herself from the couch cushions and stretched before making her way to the back door. She was almost there when a voice caught her attention. Her first instinct was to grab her practice bow and quiver from it’s resting place in the mud room, but she listened, and decided against it.

“Hey, youse-a pretty pupper,” someone slurred. It wasn’t a voice Vex recognized. How in the hell did someone manage to find themselves lost in the middle of the woods? “You’re a big pupper,” the voice continued.

“Shit. That’s not a dog,” Vex thought to herself, as she quickly ran outside, pulling on her tennis shoes as she did.

“Wait- you’re not a dog,” the small gnomish woman attached to the voice said. Vex looked her over. She was pretty, with long silver hair. She wore a azure blue dress that stopped just below her knees. It was cinched around her waist with a gold belt.

“Hey, that’s my bear, be careful,” Vex called.

The gnome looked up and smiled. “Wow. You’re REALLY pretty.”

Vex blushed and walked towards them. “Thanks. How did you get out here? Where did you come from?”

The small gnome’s brow furrowed and she grew increasingly pale. “I don’t- feel so good,” she managed, before throwing up, right onto Vex’s shoes

Pike was woken up by a warm, wet and somewhat stinky object being drug across her face. Once, twice, three times. “No,” she whined, wiping the wetness from her cheek and forehead. She opened her eyes, and was greeted with the black nose of an animal she didn’t recognize. “Holy shit!” she yelled, pushing herself up and over the object she was sleeping on, a couch apparently.

A melodic laugh drifted in behind her. “You weren’t overly concerned with my bear last night,” a voice said.

Pike turned around and her jaw dropped. In front of her stood the most beautiful half-elven woman Pike had ever laid her eyes on. She had long black-brown hair that was braided into a single plait, and she wore a green long-sleeved t-shirt under a puffy tan vest and dark brown leather leggings. She wasn’t just beautiful, she was incredibly hot too. Pike blushed, “Hi,” she squeaked. “You’re- really pretty.”

The woman smiled and laughed again, and Pike could already tell that it was something she could get addicted to. “Yes, darling, you might have mentioned that last night.”

“I did?”

The woman nodded. “Yes, I found you drunk as a skunk talking to my bear, and then you every so graciously puked on my shoes.”

Pike’s face fell. “I am so sorry about that. I can buy you a new pair.”

“Don’t worry about it, they were the shoes I use to walk Trinket anyway. How about dinner instead?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” Pike said, perhaps a little too quickly. She grimaced a bit. “Uh- sorry again. I’m Pike, by the way, Pike Trickfoot.”

“Oh! Well, that explains it. I was wondering how you managed to end up behind our house, it’s not exactly on the beaten path, as it were. But I remember Grog saying he had family visiting the other day.”

Pike grinned. Grog had stayed with her great-grandfather Willhand while she went off to study at Vassehleim University. The goliath was all-but family, and she was glad that he seemed to be making friends with the neighbors.

“I’m Vex’ahlia, by the way, but you can call me Vex.”

“It’s nice to meet you. How long have you lived here?”

“Just a few years. My brother and I are attending Westruun University, but for some reason they won’t allow a bear on campus, crazy right?”

Pike giggle. “Yeah, crazy. Well, uh- it was nice to meet you- but I think it’s time for me to go home, maybe brush my teeth?”

“Do you need any company on the walk?”

“Thank you, but I think I can manage. Besides, I just know that when I get home Grog is going to ask me where I was, and it will be easier to deny everything if I don’t walk up with a pretty lady on my arm,” she said, winking at Vex.

Vex blushed. “Fair. But dinner?”

“How does tonight sound? I know some people in the city, we could go eat, maybe do some dancing?”

“That sounds perfect.”

“Great. I’ll pick you up at 7,” Pike grinned. Maybe this visit home wouldn’t be so bad


End file.
